This past weekend I had the privilege of traveling to Winnipeg, Canada to be interviewed on The LEON show.
If you’ve read Just Show Up, you know I’m rather private. That it’s not easy for me to share my feelings with the world. You probably also know that being on t.v. would make me nervous. Nervous is putting it nicely.
I kept thinking of all of the readers, of all of the people fighting cancer. Going to chemo when they really, really, really don’t want to. People facing a terminal diagnosis. People facing incredible hard. And I kept wanting to be brave for you all. I kept thinking if they can do that, I can do this. When I would get nervous thinking about it and my stomach would do back flips, I would try to replace my nerves with gratefulness. Because it’s such a privilege to represent all of these lives and beautiful showing up stories. I am humbled that I get to do this. But there were moments when my worries overtook me and I would wonder, why am I such a wuss about this? I wanted to be strong and not afraid.
I was texting a friend, expressing my annoyance at my own “wussiness” when she texted me back this.
And I thought, yep, that’s the best version of that verse I’ve heard so far in my life.
I kept thinking about Kara. About how much fun we’d have doing an interview like this together. I would have been two thousand times more relaxed with her by my side. She would have been so excited. I can hear her saying, whoop! We’re going to Canada! and it makes me smile to think what she would have done to get there, even if she’d been fighting cancer and in pain.
The people we met who were part of the show were pretty much amazing and wonderful, every last one of them. And Pastor Leon was down to earth and easy to talk to. He instantly put me at ease and the 20 minutes flew by. I don’t remember much of what I said. Except for the part I said wrong–that Kara fought cancer for 2 years. She fought for close to 3, but whatever. I guess I’m allowed one or two mistakes when there ARE TV CAMERAS POINTED AT ME.
My hubby came with me for the weekend. He’s great at making me laugh and relax. He referred to me as “the talent” and himself as “my assistant/body guard” for the weekend and made jokes about me throwing fits because I wanted peanut m&m’s in the green room instead of plain m&m’s. (That is a rumor and completely unfounded.)
He even went on an early morning coffee run the day of the show so that I was awake and functioning. Coffee is my love language.
Overall, I’m incredibly grateful for the opportunity and I *might* be relieved it’s over.
I learned grace really does show up, even in wussiness, and that God really does give you the words to say. I’ll post when the show airs (it might be a few months.) And for those who prayed, thank you! I could feel it. 🙂