Dread

Jill Uncategorized 9 Comments

Dread.

I suppose that’s not a word I should use to describe how I felt about picking up And It Was Beautiful. But Kara was a big fan of being real and messy truths, and so now you know mine. I knew this journey. I’ve read each of these before as they first happened. I don’t think I ever missed a blog that Kara wrote. And so no, I didn’t want to read these words I remember in my heart or walk this journey again through these pages.

I didn’t want it to hurt.

I didn’t want to miss her.

When Jason handed me a copy of the book at school, my eyes filled with tears. We joked about how he brings the joy to people and laughed, because we have to laugh. Oh my goodness, how Kara loved to laugh.

I knew I would read And It Was Beautiful, because I knew I would. This was Kara. I would shout her story from the mountain tops. And so one afternoon I finally opened the book.

I didn’t put it down.

I began to underline. I read it while tears dripped down my face and nose, while I cooked, while I took care of my son, who wasn’t feeling well. And I remembered more than just the pain.

She made me laugh. Kara was funny. This delightful, special sort of funny. Lines made me grin, surprising me with the memory of who she was outside of cancer.

She writes a letter to her uterus before surgery, and it’s beautiful and poetic and it ends with this:

“I would write more, but after all, you are a uterus.”-1

Oh. My. Heart. I do so miss that humor.

Or this one:

not perfectionist

That’s my kind of cleaning.

I’m giving you some of the funnies, because they made me remember. And it was so good to remember the good. There’s so many pieces of wisdom in this book. They are like little nuggets of gold waiting to be uncovered. A few of my favorites…

man of sorrows

dependent on him

breathtaking grace

 

I didn’t think I could read this book and live this story again. But I did. And it was beautiful.

Happy release day in Heaven, dear Kara. We are celebrating you and your life down here. You did love big. And your family and friends know that love still.

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Comments 9

  1. Ken Metzger

    She spoke from a God wisdom given to her in her suffering yet not meant only for her own encouragement and edification but others too .

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  2. Beth K. Vogt

    Oh, Jill, my breath catches just reading this post … and yet I know my heart will expand if … when I read Kara’s book. I know she will broaden my perspective. Deepen my understanding. Increase my faith. And I know by getting to know her better I will know you better, too.

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